Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
