I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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