is your mom at the bar?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
