I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
