Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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