you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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