Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
