Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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