I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
