If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
