I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
