i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
