Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
