i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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