I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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