I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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