I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
