hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
