I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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