Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
