I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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