I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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