what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
