My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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