Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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