I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
