We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
