glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
