I should be sponsored by Trojan
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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