i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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