Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
