i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Drake has all the answers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
