think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
