no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
