Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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