Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
