i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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