I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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