guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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