yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
