Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I FOUND THE LEGS
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
