then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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