It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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