I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
