I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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