ugly people sure do ruin things
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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