So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
