My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it because I queefed?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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