The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
