i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
