Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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