Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
