best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How external is "for external use only"?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
