there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
