Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
