I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
