Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
