Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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