gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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