i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
