hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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