that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
