It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
