how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found a bag of teeth...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
