be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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