the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need water and some morals
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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