do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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