The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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