Having a random hookup so left but love u
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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