I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
