what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
