I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
