did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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