He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
