If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.