Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i think i just lost a toe