wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
