How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
