i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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